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Finally, I get to leave hell!
The place where I'm surrounded by people and still feel so alone. The place where every time I walk in another piece of me dies inside. Where I am able to learn more about myself through the half cocked rumors spewed by toxic people. Here is where no bitch can be trusted. Where in their eyes I am whatever they have heard about, not what I am.
Where I try and try to push past the bullying and down right dirty Ass liers.
In this place I am my worst. The place I never want to be, the person that I never want anyone to see. The girl with the scarred heart and heated head. I am rubbed raw and I am reeling. And it's due to the fact that people cannot let things go or even vault for a second in their destructive path to even see or ask the other side.
Fake, phonies, tricks, and hate, all associated with the place now.
Try. Try to make things better. Try to get along. Try not to curl up in a ball in the women's bathroom crying when a comment is made. Try not to let them in. Try. What I've learned is that when you try you just look stupid.
Don't show emotion, or the terrorists win.
Have the terrorists already won? Now I look like the bad guy. I'm sitting here writing out my feelings to people who aren't even half as interested in my life. My few friends I am thankful for, because those who were with me are now against me. Deserted in a hell that I have made in my own due to the poisoned thoughts and feelings. ALONE.
Trust No Bitch.
Spiraling into a never-ending with no one there to catch me. No one around me caring enough, except for my close 4 friends and boyfriend, to even care to hear my pleas. Just an endless amount of disposable people eager to help spread the rumors like peanut butter, Thick and Heavy.
Respect. Something I will never have from these people. Here as the boss puts it, "we are all disposable." So here I am, held as low as the gum under the tables or that booger that chubby kid just flicked into his sister's hair. No matter how hard I work or try bad attention is all I attract.
Peace. Is all I ask.
Respect is at least what I deserve and demand.
As for hate? Leave it at the damn door and grow the fuck up.
*It's not hard to stand up and believe in yourself, but to have people constantly tearing you down and hacking your morals to shit, definitely puts a dammper in things. Once everyone believes the lies and hate slander you as a person no longer exsist. I am what they think I am or hear what I am not the real me.*
I am grateful for those who support and constantly lift me up instead of tearing me down or helping the terrorist win.
<3 Kisses to my Bitches